xmlns:fb='http://ogp.me/ns/fb#' OriginalStitch: The Things Kids Say...

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

The Things Kids Say...

Before we start, I can hear you saying "Aw....aren't they sweet....".  Well don't.  Coz I can tell you now we only have one of those Snow White dresses.  And there are two here.  We DO NOT KNOW where the other came from.
I have thieves for daughters.
Anyway, moving on.

Exam Questions of the Day

Here are today's questions for your perusal.  This is why you need to have eaten the Encyclopaedia Brittanica to spend all day every day in half-term week with two small curious persons.

1. "Why is it dark in Norway for 3 months of the year?"
Witness me holding an imaginary planet Earth in my hands, up in the air, turning it whilst simultaneously sashaying round the kitchen table, which was being The Sun, obviously.

Words used:  Axis, rotating, seasons, and orbit.  Really quite a lot.  They're 4 and 5 for Heaven's Sake.

2. "What is the Olympics? Where does it come from?"

And yes, I did correct them, of course.  
"Are. Are the Olympics."
"Why are?"
"Because it's Olympics plural."
"What does plural mean?"
"It means, it's, it's more that one."
"More than one what?"
"Ok, never mind plurals, let me tell you about Daley Thompson and Fatima Whitbread."

Words used: discus, javelin, pole vault, shot put, Olympians, Paralympics, decathlon, triathlon.  
And I believe I also used the expression lovely big strapping handsome men rowers.
"And lady ones?"
"Yes, also lovely big strapping lasses in boats too, yes."

3. "How do they build cars?"

"On a big machine."
"Do they build lots of cars at once, or just one at a time?"
"Good question, well done - lots at once, it's called a production line."
"What's a production line?"
"Well, I've just said haven't I, it's a big lot of machines used to build lots of cars all at once, in a line, all in a line."
"Does it only build cars?"
"No, a production line can be used to build lots of things.  Please don't ask what other things."
"What other things?"

4. "Is there orange sticky stuff in Space?"


Choice Quotes from Exasperated Mothers and Curious Kids.

I'm afraid Half-Term at OriginalStitch consisted mainly of nippers.  In this picture they have built a den.  Clearly they weren't impressed by the infiltration of a camera through the hole in their wall.  There was popcorn in that bowl.  And a DVD nearby, in a vain attempt on my behalf to Do Some Work In My Office.  Not a lot of work was done, mind you, either by myself or Amanda or apparently by any of our Stitchers, as is plainly asserted by this lot.

Isla: These slippers are magic.
Me:  Are they?  What's magic about them?
Isla: There's a special button on them, which if you press it they'll hand you out a fish pie.

I mean, please someone, market that slipper!  Who WOUDLN'T want a slipper that handed out food? Brilliant!  I hooted for days after that one.  Made me spit my tea out.  However, waaaay too much time spent in half term on getting dressed, which yielded this song from Hetty, to the tune of Louby Lou

No, no, I don't want tights,
No, no, I don't want tights,
No, no, I don't want tights,
and I don't want leggings eeeeeeee-therrrrr......

I at one point heard myself saying "Isla, is that getting dressed or is that jumping up and down on the bed wearing a tutu and swinging goggles round your head?"
This behaviour from the child who also said, in absolute disgust "Why aren't the days of the week in alphabetical order?"

Stitcher Katie also found getting dressed a rich source of nonsense.  Like me, she often finds the stuff coming out of her own mouth just as daft as that coming from her kids, like this one:

"Hannah, will you stop emptying the knicker drawer, Lucy's only got one bottom!"

Not to mention having overheard this bizarre exchange in a local shop between her daughter and husband:

"Daddy, can we have one of these for our boat?"
"No, Lucy"
"Why not?"
"Because we haven't got a boat, Lucy!"

Just before half-term, Amanda's daughter came excitedly out of school proclaiming that for the first time ever in her life she had done SEWING!  She found it quite amazing, and then said,
"Can you sew, Mummy?"
Amanda was dumbfounded.  "Considering the massive piles of fabric round the house, and me sitting at a sewing machine whenever I can, you'd think she'd have noticed." she said.  Like I said, mine once told me they didn't like things made from fabric because they weren't pink and shiny.  Nuff said.  Kids bring your ego right into line.

Stitcher Beverley swanned off on a second honeymoon over half-term, so merely had the mutterings of a husband to contend with, but she told me the first thing her Isla said to her on return was

"Where's my present?"
...which is nice.

The other one informed her that her favourite thing about staying with Aunty Bella all week was having Chocolate Loops for breakfast every day.
And Auntie Bella slopes off into the bushes...

Stitcher Jennie's little boy informed her that he is not cute, he is Max.  Unfortunately he undid this assertion a little by pointing to a cactus and calling it a hedgehog.  Sorry Max but that IS cute!  More growling and gnashing of teeth required to lose the cute label I'm afraid!

Hester informed me over half-term that she wanted to be a pole-dancer.  Now look, I'm not averse to some alternative art-forms, I'm really not.  I don't mind a tattoo, she can get piercings, I don't really care about what clothes she ends up wearing, but pole-dancing?  I'm not convinced I can get behind that.
It transpired later that she was referring to the barre used in ballet classes.

She also had a slight inferiority about her eyeballs, thinking they didn't have nice red lines in them like Isla's.  It's a bizarre day when you find yourself saying "There's nothing bad about your eyeballs Hetty.  You've got lovely eyeballs."

And anyone who can make sense of this question...

"How do you say thank you for my lunch without your teeth?"...is a better cryptographer than me.  Took me ages to decode that one.

Turns out she's asking about sign language....


A Thrifty Mrs said...

This post has made me laugh out loud (for real, not just interweb bull) and snort at the same time.

Oh and where on earth did they get the other dress from? Are they Artful Dodger typers? Shove them up a chimney I say.

FullertonRegan said...

The pole dancing was my favorite!

I try to always write down what Veronica says because there are so many great lines. Once we went to a baseball game. The team playing was the Angels, which is our hometown team. My husband is a big Angels fan, so he wore his jersey and Veronica looked at him and said, "Oh Christian, you're PLAYING?" Priceless.

Mairi said...

Yes why aren't he days of the week in alphabetical order??????? Hmmm?? I actually snotted on myself with laughter about that whole post. Fortunately all I had to contend with in half term were other peoples kids, often screaming loudly because they really wanted a Gruffalo toy. Or one nice little boy, who (whilst holding aforementioned toy) recited the whole rhyme about what he looked like with nary a word out of place. Magic!

Bev said...

Aah, aren't kids great!! Isla has made me pay for my week 'off' though after coming home covered (and I literally mean covered - even her new boots) in paint after splatter painting!!

Amanda Jane said...

I actually ran upstairs to check if my Snow White outfit was missing! Luckily its still there.
I was listening to Olivia speaking to Granny on the phone last night, "when I grow up I don't want to have a job, I just want to drive around all day visiting my friends" she announced.
I'm really glad that Womens Lib has done a full circle. I can have it all, but actually I don't want it!
Well done Catherine thanks for the sometimes much needed reminder of why we love 'em so much!

thelinencat said...

Loved this post, made me laugh, A LOT! My Felix wants to be the actor who plays Spiderman, since he found out Spiderman isn't real. Bless.

Kids rock........More so when they let you get a decent nights sleep :)

Sarah said...

Love the last photo! Cheers for making me laugh (found you via thrifty by the way)x

Laura LittleStuff said...

Oh, brilliant list! I started off smiling quietly to myself, and finished making strangled gargly snorts in my throat.

And yes - why AREN'T the days of the week alphabetical? Would make MUCH more sense.

Mummy Limited said...

This has made me LOL and I promise I only type that when it is true! (It's a rule of mine)
I heard Rick Stein on the radio only this morning saying he'd reintroduced Fish Pie onto his menu, as it is making a comeback, so I think shoes that provided it would be a winner.
You should call him

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